To Amber & Ariel:
Words alone are insufficient to describe the mortification & self-hatred I felt after I slapped Ariel…In that moment, I realized I had broken the PRIMARY part of “the CODE”…the ESSENCE of it, if you will, that I had been, & am still, expounding to those who seek a calmer, less stressful Life. IMMEDIATELY, with that simple & devastating act, I became A LIAR, A HYPOCRITE & A COWARD…….in MY self-evaluation…..and ‘something more’ in your ‘re-assessment’ of me & my character.
The following IS NOT an excuse for my behavior!!! It is an explanation of my mind-set just prior to ‘the incident’…believe it or not, a hug was the precursor here – yes, A HUG – the reason for which has been lost due to the intensity of what followed…somewhere before the hug, things went sideways when Ariel made a disparaging facial expression that I had seen her perform to the BACK of EVERYONE including her mom-Amber, her dad-Steve, Mima, her Aunt Vicky, Aunt Leslie, her brothers & sister. Frankie, fellow school-mates, her teachers, etc., etc. In retrospect, I found that I had ‘programmed’ myself to slap her if she EVER did THAT ‘to-my-FACE’…I had just recently lost my BEST ‘gal pal’ of almost 20 yrs, Margaret, & was commiserating in a couple shots of Tequila, so I wasn’t in the best of moods. Her DIRECT DISRESPECT triggered my ‘pre-programmed’ response & before I knew it, THE DEED WAS DONE!!!
Post-incident, I forced myself into exile for several reasons: 1) to remove myself from friends & family – a kind of Penance; 2) to regroup, reassess, reinforce & realign myself with ‘the CODE’; 3) to gradually reintegrate myself into an uncaring society – so it would be challenging to incorporate ‘the Code’; and 4) to ULTIMATELY rejoin my friends & family and expose myself as – well – a truly flawed HUMAN!!! So, basically, I treated myself like a vicious, uncontrollable dog who needed SEVERE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT!!! – exclude it from the pack, re-evaluate training methods, adjust training to reflect new goals, reintroduce to the general public BEFORE trying to reconnect with former associates…yeah, that was ‘the Program’……!!!
Due to present circumstances, I am compelled to reveal myself prematurely! In doing this, though I feel I have NO RIGHT to do so, I AM ASKING BOTH OF YOU FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS!!! And, PLEASE BELIEVE ME when I say….I WILL NEVER AGAIN EXHIBIT THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR – FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE!!!!!!
VERY Sincerely YOURS – Charly K. Warren